Acceptance

You need to open your eyes!

It’s not worth hiding, breast cancer can find us, but WE need to take back the control. Indeed, I gave myself a real wake-up kick, by looking in the mirror and focusing right into my eyes. Say it, scream it out loud, repeat it again. Put those words into your mouth. – “Yes, I have a breast cancer, but I’m the boss here”.

Yes, I’ll show you, my enemy, that you knocked on the wrong door! Too bad for you, I’ll destroy you!

The day I got confirmation that I had a breast cancer it took me only a few hours to turn myself from a victim into “the boss”. It took me only a few hours to ACCEPT that I had a breast cancer. So, how can we switch our mindset so easily? The answer seems maybe too easy to find, but it’s true…. I simply looked at the people I love the most, my girls and my husband, and so naturally I thought: Of course, how stupid I am to be upset! I should be happy that this is happening to me and not them….” Where on earth would I find the strength to see and support one of them fighting for their life?

I was so sure that it would be much harder to cope with fighting against breast cancer.  I’m the strongest in the family and I’ll make it! It’s better that this enemy knocked on my door, and not someone else’s door!

At this very moment, my mindset changed, I felt empowered, like a superhero, THEIR superhero, to fight and show them that NOTHING is going to change THEIR LIVES. I had decided that I’d do absolutely everything to make sure that they would feel or see no difference in their mom and wife.

That would have been far too much of a pleasure given to my enemy if I allowed the smallest change in their lives.

So, I decided to continue to be as active as always, smiling, laughing, cooking, dancing, inviting friends, be the “perfect” mom, the perfect wife, friend….

When you see how sad and worried your beloved ones are as of day 1, I felt that the only way to help them was to act like usual and stay the person I was. Compensate my losses with other wins. Show them that I’m self-aware and that I’d never let breast cancer take me by surprise. What helped me in my communication, building trust and confidence for my girls and family is that I told and explained to them, step by step what I was going to experience. And telling them at the same time, that I’m ready, I’m the strongest and that I’m the boss. Also telling them that I had accepted the game, and that I would play the game, and that I would win. I explained to them that they are my coaches each time I go up into the ring to maybe take a hit or two that will be visible on my body and from time to time in my attitude.  And telling them that of course, I’d be the winner because I intended to knock the enemy down, day after day, at each surgery, at each cell therapy, at each radiotherapy at each hormonal pill I was and am taking…

Each and every loophole my enemy thought he would find in me; it would discover that I had already blocked it by being…. PROACTIVE! “Just like a profiler, I seek to understand who you are, what you don’t like, chase you and make sure that I only feed you with everything that kills you”

Anyone can be a profiler, proactive and expert! By seeking information, reading articles, studies, peer-to-peer blogs, asking the right questions of your doctor, researching organizations and associations, communities, etc.

The one who has the information, has the power, and that’s so true in our case!

So, use your time to empower and arm yourself… close the loopholes!

I want to give you my tips and tricks, because “you don’t know what you don’t know” if you just received these life changing results. You’ll discover things during your journey, but it may be too late and may prevent you from living the benefits of your knowledge. Because there are clearly gaps in the information we receive from our doctors, due to time, or simply speaking in codes or a language that we don’t understand.  That is why this peer-to-peer communication is key. I want to hear your thoughts and tell me what you think.

Patients generally expect empathy, well I know I do, from our care providers, not necessarily compassion.  WHY?  Because I don’t want to be perceived as a victim, but as a boss. Compassion might inject a feeling that I don’t appreciate, unless it’s expressed by a person who lived the same experience and clearly speaks the same language and understands the non-verbal, i.e. body and face expressions.

How can you be proactive and always a step ahead?

My advice? Accept and don’t see yourself as a victim. THAT WAS MY IMPORTANT RULE. Our lives will never ever be the same again, but remember that you’re not alone. There are so many of us!

Of course, we have the right to ask ourselves, why me?  To cry, to scream, to complain, to be upset, to be tired, to not get out of bed, to say no, to stay inside, to hide, to isolate …But these need to be exceptions, not a new way of living and a new habit. Why? Because that is the easy way, the shortcut.

And, because of the fact that we’ll never get the answer to “why me”, there is no proof that it’s just due to stress, to smoking, there are many theories, but we’re all different.  One thing is sure, is that we’re not responsible, even if many will seek the reasons why we ended up with breast cancer, and they will come back and tell us they think they know the reason why… etc. This way of thinking is very harmful, and I felt that it would only lead me to feeling guilty. So, I forgot about that immediately, let sadness give way to positivity and strength, let people talk, I didn’t care.

Don’t look back, look ahead! This was the best protection and the most powerful physical and mental painkiller for me.

I applied this rule throughout my whole journey, i.e. before surgery, post-surgery, before cell therapy, radiotherapy, I saw my side effects being minimized big time and…  I was able to keep my smile and be that superhero!

Honestly, breast cancer for me was long, I mean very long.  Plenty of surprises and things I couldn’t control, even when I thought I could. But, for many people, we can put all assets on our side to win, just by accepting, being prepared, being a step ahead, staying positive. You can turn this story into an opportunity to change a few parameters in your life.

It’s a good time to think about who your real friends are in life, at least it was for me. I was surprised to see the people showing up to help… and others that disappeared. You’ll be very surprised to see how you value things differently and so much more. How a blue sky can be so beautiful…How each word will count!

I’ll have the pleasure to write soon again to all of you, with the intention to inspire and empower you, and hopefully to help you with ideas on the best way to tackle all the stages in your new jouney.

Thank you for reading my posts, You’re all my heroes!