Dear readers and friends,
You know that I always start my stories with this sentence “Accept and don’t see yourself as a victim”
This will always remain MY MOST IMPORTANT RULE.
Our lives will never ever be the same again. But remember, for whatever reason you got to read this blog, that you’re not alone. There are so many of us, supportive, walking hand in hand in the fight against breast cancer and how it impacts us.
Many of you have been able to read and listen to all my stories in the past years, and have discovered how I envision each and every step of my breast cancer journey. What I may have felt, how (tried to overcome fears, how I celebrated my victories. How I try, every day, to pursue a path leading me back to feeling somewhat “whole” again.
Every woman will have her own “holy grail” and it’s so very much dependent on how hard breast cancer hits us, both physically and mentally. Both are so very much linked, at least in my case.
We all wear some kind of scars, a testimony of our fight against our worst enemy ever. Scars from surgeries and other interventions. And our victories.
We undergo surgeries, eliminating partially, or completely, what a woman in many cases assimilates to motherhood, seduction, sexuality, femininity. My case isn’t different. You could read in a previous blog “My reconstruction, My choice” about my journey between double mastectomy, expanders to make space for future implants etc. A journey that took nearly 1 year to just be able to make space for implants, just to create “something” to have in my bra.
I was the luckiest person ever! The day I could pretend to have finished my reconstruction journey back in 2018, there I was, with my “somethings” in my bra. But, I realized that I physically felt better, but not mentally. I still couldn’t face my image in the mirror. Why? I could only see my scars on my “somethings”. Years have passed and I still haven’t been able to appreciate and love myself or feel completely healed. Breast cancer left so many souvenirs on my body, always reminding me of the fears and anxiety I felt in 2015 that I might disappear and never see my girl grow up.
Since, I’ve been wondering what I could do. I got a few symbolic tattoos, that you may have read about, but what could I do to at last feel healed, feel like a woman again?
One day I met Alexia Cassar and understood that SHE would be the one to help me to heal…Nipples. Of course, it became obvious! The magic would come with the 3D nipple tattoo that she created. Astonishing that I had never heard about that before. How on earth was that possible? I wanted her to transform me.
I encountered a few difficulties to proceed….and then there was the pandemic , that prevented me to move ahead with the magic tattoo. It took nearly 3 years to finally see Alexia and get this done..
But, since June, this year, I feel whole again, I feel woman, I look at myself in the mirror, I sleep better and I finally accept my husband’s eyes and hands on me…
Do you have a wild guess about what happened in June? I went to see Alexia and she tattooed my two nipples. And they look REAL!!! Since then, I feel amazing. The sadness and “shame” of who I was and am, it’s all gone. I don’t even feel “like before”, I feel “better” than before.
Cecilia 3.0. Isn’t it incredible? By the way, Alexia filmed the moment when she uncovered my nipples, with me in front of the mirror. I can’t even count how many times I pronounced the word incredible. The same for the the word “Thank you”, came out of my mouth so many times. Naturally and spontaneously, from the deepest of my heart and soul.
I’m so proud of my journey, my decisions and choices. All has been done step by step, with a maturity in reflection, great advice and avoiding short cuts. One of the shortcuts I could have taken was to have consulted with a professional that is less expensive, more available and less experience….and less educated. One that could make many promises of miracles but in fact, does nothing of the sort.
When you make such a magical decision…make sure you see a real professional that has the reputation similar to an Alexia Cassar who works with THE leading oncologists, surgeons and cancer institutions. Otherwise you could fall into the wrong hands that could result in the opposite experience, fully capable of destroying you forever with ink, techniques and medically not adapted techniques
You need to watch out for the best, YOU! Whatever it takes, to get your “Cherries on the Cake”
My gratitude to life, to her, is immensely high. I feel alive, I feel woman… more than ever!
Never give up, you’re all my heroes!
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