What we know today about breast cancer is that it can hit us at any time and for me it felt like an enemy entering into my life with the intention of destroying absolutely everything in its way. For me my life and all its pleasure were blown away the second I received results of my diagnostic exam.
There are so many of us who have been or are going through breast cancer, all with different background, situations, parents or not, working or not etc.
And we’re all finding our purpose and reason for fighting in life. And if like me, you’re a mom, I think we have a common viewpoint…fighting for your kids.
Cancer can step in at any time. When you are pregnant, or when your kids are small, teens or adults. But in any case, the question of motherhood and how we live up to our promise comes back every day, even throughout breast cancer. I remember thinking “how can I continue to always be their favorite, best and superhero mom ever. The best in the world. The most beautiful and funniest. Coolest. The one that all their friends want”.
The day I got my results, I’m not sure I even knew what that really meant at the time. My first thoughts went to my children…and because the word Cancer, for me was a direct synonym for Death, until I got clarification from the doctor which took a few days, I had time to think, maybe too much time, because I was convinced that I wouldn’t see my children grow up, go to their weddings or even see any grandchildren. Basically, I thought my life was over.
So, I spoke to my kids to explain to them what will happen to their mom. But ONLY when I was completely sure I’d understood the stage of my breast cancer and more or less what my protocol would look like.
Why did I wait for that? Because I felt that the information and news, I was about to give to my children had to be exact and explained with words that they were able to understand. They needed to know the reality, from the start, because if they were to discover that their parents are lying to them, I felt that they would never trust me again when I spoke to them in the future.
During this period of time, it became so important for my children to know how I felt, because they wanted to help and support me in my journey. So, I always told them the truth.
I felt like I needed to protect my children by always telling them the truth. If I didn’t, I would be creating an environment where there would be doubts, questioning and very weak foundations to fight against their mom’s breast cancer.
I was careful in the way I told them. If you remember my blog, or go back and read my post, about acceptance and not acting like a victim. This felt vital. I showed my kids that I was the “boss”, inspired trust and confidence that this is bad chapter indeed in life, and that it could have been worse… I set out to inspire positivity! I didn’t hesitate to make a joke about it, spend an extra great evening with them, celebrate life and the begin this new chapter as a team because it will be difficult. The day I announced this, I created my winning team!
They saw that I accepted the situation, and they followed my path. When it came to helping me choose scarves, my wig style, my make-up, checking that I hadn’t forgotten to make an appointment, I gave a thumbs up and made it a team effort.
Most importantly, after each surgery, or treatment, I made sure to uncover my body, slowly but steadily. They needed to get used to it. In my case, shortly after, they looked at me, just like they did before, as if nothing happened. They said, “That looks good mom!” They asked if I was suffering, and I said no, because that was true. I explained that this was the best that could happen and that I’m an Amazon, a legendary female warrior where women removed their breasts to remove obstruction from the bowstring. They looked at me and then they looked at each other to see how they were or should be reacting. As always, the big sister was positive and expressed herself wisely, so the little sister did the same. All good! So, they helped me to put my bra back on, and off they went to their activities. It felt like they had flown away like two beautiful butterflies …and I was standing there breathing and thanking God again and again for the amazing girls I have.
I never ever complained or acted like a victim, I think that would have been too heavy and difficult for them to handle. I was “factual” when receiving questions, never lied, and never complained.
I have to say, it was pretty difficult to always keep that attitude. Even when I cried, I tried to do it alone in the bathroom. And when they asked me “mom, are you sad, did you cry?” I was always factual and told the truth. I had to cry to get rid of these deep and painful feelings. And just that quickly, I would be fine again.
My girls were also proactive at school, making sure they told their friends before rumors hit the school. My duty was also to protect them, because at that age, other kids at school can say anything!
That’s why the trust that you build up with them, at the very beginning, is key. It was my words and my sentences that resonated in their heads. Not anyone else’s. They never doubted.
Communication is key, always remember that. I found that I came out so much stronger and my children will have amazing maturity that I know will help them in their own lives, independent of the situation.
They are flexible, tolerant, realistic, independent and autonomous. These are great qualities and I hope you realize, that breast cancer is not necessarily a dark tunnel. You’re the actor and you’re the one that needs to set the tone at home for the well-being of everyone.
In fact, we even did a photoshoot together. I wanted to capture the beauty of our trio, their long and beautiful hair, the bodies that I want them to take care of. I wanted to capture the beauty of our different generations: a kid, a young teen and me. It was so symbolic and impactful. In our minds forever.
It is a great effort to be a mom, a hero!
You’re all Heroes!
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